Why I walked away

For the past three years I have worked in the field of childcare. I worked as an ECA while studying to receive my ECE diploma and then worked as a RECE once I completed college and registered.

And the truth is I loved my job, I would go home laughing about the crazy things the kids would say and sometimes do or shaking my head at the day I had because it was that hectic. Nonetheless I was always happy to return to work as I loved the children and the parents I worked with.

A little over a year ago I became the supervisor and was hesitant about the new role. I really had very little interest in managing people and truly loved the classroom and the interactions with the children. I also watched a few supervisors leave. ( that’s never a good sign)

However one was needed and I met the requirements, unfortunately the supervisor before me walked away from the job and the other one that would have provided my training was on maternity leave.

So as you can see I had reason to be nervous but she would eventually  return and the manager at the time did her best to teach me what she knew. Fast forward to the summer of 2016 the manager left while I was on vacation.

I returned to this role and felt unprepared and anxious but willing to try and try I did but the more I was in the role the less I wanted it and the supervisor  I was counting on to return and train me gave her notice that she was leaving.

This was the start of what I soon realized was anxiety attacks, I was obsessing over my work and reviewing my work repeatedly even when I know it was accurate to avoid making errors. And my heart would race when the phone rang out of fear that I did something wrong.

I started to hate coming to work plus I was battling anxiety (my heart palpitations where crazy) and the attacks started to take place every time the phone would ring.

I developed chest and following a doctors visit it would be found that my white blood cell levels were very low and ECG showed some abnormalities. (By the way I still have no clue what my body is doing.)

The unhealthy level of stress and anxiety coupled with the nature of the work environment and a meeting that took place in spring, made me realize I needed to leave .

And believe me I  was going to do it the right way by providing two weeks notice but events that occurred during my final week led me to believe that it was in my best interest to simply walk away.

This post is simply a reminder that nothing is more important than your health whether mental, emotional or physical and you have to know when it’s time to walk away from the things that are not good for you. I had to do it, although it was scary, sad and heart breaking. I simply have to focus on taking care of myself and being the best me possible.

Talk to you soon.

Kisses from K

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